Love Sustains

Being married has taught me a myriad of things. If you grew up in church like I did, from diapers to diploma, you understand the concept of knowledge versus experience. Sometimes we are taught wisdom long before we have to implement it. I think this is a wonderful thing about many churches today: It equips us for the struggles ahead. Like Proverbs says: A fool has to make their own mistakes but a wise man learns from the folly of others.

We can know we don’t need to put full faith in our spouses, but until we live it out, we dont really KNOW. We can believe it, cherish it, but what solidifies it, is the journey. What a beautiful thing to live out faith!

The Lord’s love sustains my soul, but marriage is a picture of that also. I know that marriage was ordained by God because it’s nothing a human could have ever concocted, it’s beautiful and magical while challenging and chiseling at times.

Until you can text the person you love at work, and look forward to the fact that they can hold you while you fall asleep at night, you cant fully understand. But I pray you get to, if that’s your desire, anyway.

Never believe that marriage has to be complacent and continually frustrating. If this is your perspective, please go seek out some chain breaking counseling. I’m not talking about the weak therapists who say very little, but those who can give you the proper wisdom to move forward & will point you to the God who literally breaks every chain in your life. Don’t take his power lightly, & never take the metaphor between Christ & the church paralleling with a groom and his wife lightly,either. Love sustains, love beckons, love is for you & comforts you in the trying times.

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Stop Reading your Bible to be Holy

It seems like my desire to write deepens with every passing day. It’s a fleeting day & the cemented words on apage solidify that it happened. It proves that over time I grew, understood, developed. It means that life does mean something & my voice matters because the timeless concepts I handle in my art still scream ‘purpose’ when I pick them up years later.

And I love to write about the church. It’s the bride of God. It is the outlet of love everyone inwardly pines for, even if one tries to quench their desires with more carnal/modern techniques like romance and sex.

With that being said, the church has a lot of problems. Some might have even snickered that I said church was the outlet for love, because too often, it is just…so not that. It is an entangling and binding set of rules, too often condemning you when you mess up and you have to stare at these people who found out your long lasting secret & play religion to make it all better.

This is too often the case.

And I will write until I am blue in the face, & love people, & hopefully one day help steward a church to give people real hope: the hope of the timeless, soul quenching gospel and the warmth and fulfillment of Christian community.

The other day I read an article on the thoughts of Billy Graham’s son. If you haven’t read one of his books, I strongly encourage it because he is able to divide what is religion and what is grace. He is sensitive to the spirit & can break that down for his audience in a book. A charming author, you would be enthralled if you like ‘all things Jesus.’

His article proposed that the modern church is still too hung up on the law. (See my last link on my blog to read it) I can’t agree with him more. It wasn’t until about a year or two ago that I started grasping the concept that reading my bible everyday wasn’t the key to an intimate relationship the Father. I felt like a condemned sinner even proposing this thought in my mind, sucking on it like a new piece of candy, rolling it around on my tongue, trying to drain it of all it was worth. Could this be? The key to holiness that I had been force fed my whole life wasn’t  the key to an intimate relationship with the Father at all?

Before all the legalists in the virtual world go crazy, please read…and thoroughly so I don’t have to go back and answer questions I already covered in my blog. (lol that was so blunt)

Reading your bible everyday isn’t the answer.

My Southern Baptist roots just rolled in their grave.

Praying more isn’t the answer.

Every Sunday school teacher in the nation just screamed at my heresy.

A close, grace filled relationship with the father is the key.

Try to hear me through the ludicrous  audacity of my next statement before freaking out: Reading your bible as a child of God is like having sex with your husband.

Maybe you have sex everyday, while another couple has sex every 3-6 days. ( I am talking specifically about healthy/happy couples) If someone went to a marriage counselor and they said,”If you do not have sex with your husband EVERYDAY, you will not be close to him. This is the key to a happy marriage. If you do this everyday, you will be happy and totally fulfilled in your marriage.” Silly, right?You’d probably leave with little problems resolved, if any at all. Does the person who has sex less than you have more problems?

Point is: Sex is important, but it’s only compliments of a happy marriage.

If someone reading their bible for any other reason other than intimacy, they are missing the point.

I’m not saying reading the bible doesn’t lead someone to repentance: Yeah, it does. Sex can make two people realize theuir mistakes & realize closeness is more important than their pride too. But please, stop measuring your closeness to Jesus by how much bible you read each day or week. Or anything else for that matter.

How close am I to Jesus? I used to measure it with how often I had read my bible because that’s what I had been programmed to do. Often I have feelings of guilt & shame because I just didn’t measure up. Or even worse, I would read my bible everyday & be under the impression I was close to God and make others feel less than me. I think that might be even worse because at the point I am a delusional pharisee. Am I yearning for Jesus, do I cry out to Him for my deepest needs to be loved, am I willing to share with others the excitement of a personal relationship? Reading my bible reminds me of that, but God shines through anything He wants. He’s GOD. The bible is an outlet. An awesome outlet, a beautiful love letter from abba to His children, but still, an outlet.

Bringing home flowers to your wife, ironing your husband’s clothes, cooking each other dinner can bring you just as close and is just as important as sex.

Do you see the parallel?

Am I dissuading anyone from getting on their hands and knees at 6 AM and crying out to Jesus. Absolutely not. Oh my goodness, do that, wow, please. But that act doesn’t make you Holy, the emotion, the thirst for Jesus behind the act makes you holy. Jesus came to fulfill the law, meaning all the law does is show us how impure we are on our own. Knowing you didn’t read your bible everyday or witness to enough people will not make you closer to Jesus, it just shames you & get this: it doesn’t make you do it more. In fact, it makes you do it less because honey attracts more mosquitoes than vinegar.

It’s about BEING with God. God doesn’t hear your words, & I’m pretty sure He doesn’t hyper focus on your acts. Your life is an offering, & the scent rises to His nose, & if it is good, He showers with blessings (in any form he chooses) and then we respond by the powerful act of God’s hand on our life. I am convinced Jesus doesn’t even hear our words when we pray. I think He smells the fragrance of our heart as we lift it to heaven. If it is self righteous, we remain unfulfilled because he turns his face away in disgust and we remain on earth, void of love because we are missing the point and God will not be mocked.

I am convinced that remembering a myriad of bible verses & learning the hymns & understanding the knowledge of the gospel is beautiful, but it’s not the core of what we need in order to be the ministers to this world: it’s resting in His peace. Those things just facilitate in that. If this were so, what about the people in other parts of the world who can only know Jesus through receiving dreams & the gospel is outlawed?

My knowledge fails me every time, because when I want to sin, everything I mentally know is of no value. It is the times that God’s arms are holding me so tight that I feel no need to venture out into darkness, or act in my flesh & respond in anything but love.

So, in what to do in order to have a more grace filled church?

You are still missing the point if you asked that question.

It’s not about your actions, those will come with a heart inclined to the whispers of the spirit. They whisper through the trees in a walk through nature as you worship His creation. His love tickles your soul when you cry out to Him in a worship song, or play an instrument. He is here with me now, guiding my fingers over the keyboard as I struggle to tell the evangelical church what it is often missing: authentic grace.

Reside in that grace, let it change your mentality. It’s not about what we need to do, it’s about the spirit transforming souls, subsequently transforming the pattern of our minds. If our mentality changes on what the point of church is all about, when we say “read your bible” it wont have a spirit of condemnation any longer because that spirit will vanish.

And where the spirit of the Lord is, there is actual liberty. Not chains masquerading as freedom: actual freedom to go grab your bible, instead of being lead to it by shame.

Are You An Immature Baby Christian?

I just had this over powering thought the other day. My thoughts are like overly passionate stimulants whenever I recognize something Iv’e never fully grasped and I run around like I just drank a large cup of espresso. I’m not sure how you cant dissect God’s word & not get excited though. 

Something God really taught me a couple of years ago is that He is transforming me by His love, & every area of my life will reflect greater, boundless love. In those years I realized God was preparing me through various circumstances & trials that He was trying to make my joy full & my view of the world different, He has broken something down for me that I want to share with you. 

That is this: Babies have to be spanked. Baby Christians have to be scolded when unloving. As people, we cannot even grasp the concept that God wants us to love in every situation, with no limit or question. How can one do that? That sounds ridiculous. Modern philosophy would say, treat people like they treat you! Even if this isn’t one’s philosophy & one tries to stick to the golden rule, there is still a lot fo grace given to oneself when we don’t exactly live up to that standard. 

Isnt it ironic the level of grace we give to ourselves, but not to the people around us? Who do we think we are?

 

It’s almost as if we read the verses in the bible with an invisible if sign next to it. LOVE if I dont feel wronged. BE RESPECTFUL TO PARENTS if I don’t have a reason to be angry. It’s time we stop reading the bible with our if, &, and buts, & read it literally & take scripture seriously, dissecting our lives to see if we truly live by a biblical standard. 

You know, Jesus wanted to teach us something. He wanted to teach us how to be holy. Did he thump up us over with a scroll of the old testament writing or wag his finger at us, or even pull our skirts farther down our thigh when they were too high in the synagogue? Nope, He died for us. I’m not saying Jesus was a wussy. He knew how to get His point across & He had great level of confidence. He wasn’t afraid to speak His mind & call out people, but He also died for them. He was empowered by the spirit. That was how He asked us to be His followers, that is how he beckoned. Not by a list of rules, never once does Jesus lay out a list of rules for his followers to abide by, He just beckons us to love Him like He already loves us. 

Baby, immature Christians have to be reminded to love in the hard moments. They have to be persuaded, reminded, chastened by the spirit to love without expectation of what will return. Simon Peter cuts off the guy’s ear that comes after Jesus, and what does Jesus do? HE HEALS THE MAN. He rolls his eyes, He tells Simon Peter to chill out because that’s not their mission. 

The reason we attack people is because we are after proclaiming our own names. The reason we cut off ears is because we do not understand the greater plan. We are about our own agendas, our own names, our own glory. And God is not apart of that. Jesus stands beside Him, with his arms out, beckoning His followers to love without question. We are nothing, He is everything. we give copious amounts of grace because we have been given grace. We have unfailing love & if we do not give it our enemies, & the people that have wronged us, & if we do not allow our enemies to dine at our table, and take our bread & sip from our cups, and hold conversation with them, giving them insight on God, then we have failed. We are baby Christians if we do not do this, spoon fed by pastors, out to pray in public for the recognition of others, & our reward is now, this temporary, passing moment of pleasure that means absolutely nothing in the grand scheme or things. 

 

My follow up on my last blog about southern baptists. :)

It seems like I am receiving a lot of positive AND negative feedback on the blog I just posted. I am nervous because I dont want to ruin my witness or tarnish the name of Christ, but I am telling you all that I have experienced. 

However, while I don’t think we should complacently accept ‘no church is perfect,’ as a good enough reason not to die to ourselves, I do think that there is a lot of truth in that statement also. We have to be patient as Christ followers as the church is redeemed, and it will continue to be work until the return of Christ. Therefore, I do love Southern Baptists, I am sorry if I did not iterate that fact enough. I am just tired of people exalting themselves and not worrying about people who are hurting. This IS an overwhelming part of our culture & I don’t plan on remaining silent about it. 

However, let me not disregard the people who have done a lot of good in my life so my intentions are not misunderstood. I had countless Sunday school teachers & DIA leaders who truly cared about me and poured into my life. I am so thankful for my biblical foundations, but I Wont take back the oppressive culture in the southern baptist scene that also inflicted a lot of wounds. 

Peace & blessings to everyone of every denominational affiliation. If you don’t like what I have to say & you are a southern baptist, lets pray hard together that we can bring revival and change. 🙂 

My Bone to Pick with Southern Baptists

Disclaimer: I know southern Baptists are not the only messed up people or denomination in the world, but this is my perspective & my experience. Also, I have some AMAZING friends and beloved pastors that still associate with the Southern Baptist denomination. I go to a Southern Baptist school, but that doesn’t mean the issues aren’t prevalent. I will not sweep things under the rug, I am going to learn from history, that never works.)
I have white hot anger right now. I’m not sure if that is the best time to write, or the most dangerous. I’m going to be honest because I’m bursting with theories & challenges, but Lord please sustain me to remain in your grace and love while I do so.
Here is my overwhelming thought right now: What is up with the people in the church having an agenda? I hate boxing people, I hate telling people who they are & clumping them under a title or a statistic and saying, this is your future, this is your identity, this is WHO you are. However, Southern Baptist people revel in their roots of being power seeking, racist bigots (I took Baptist history last semester) who called themselves leaders so I am not sure how NOT to clump them. Disclaimer: Everyone is still an individual but just as black people can make black jokes , I feel entitled to call Southern Baptist culture for what it is, because I’ve been there since the first Sunday in the womb. I know the bathroom talk, I know about the unspoken rules, I understand the judgmental glares are not a figment of one’s imagination & I have seen zealous people endure deep wounds due to this religion. All I am saying is I have been around NUMEROUS other denominations and never do I ever feel as threatened or isolated as I do when I am around Southern Baptist people. I finally cleanse myself of the terrible after taste when I say their title, and then they are at it again. I’m just like, right when I begin to heal and forgive, something else tests my patience and my fortitude to love unconditionally. I know I need to stand firm in grace regardless, but why do they want to make it as hard as possible? I hate saying “this group of people does this” because no one can clump or blanket anyone. Everyone is an individual, but the fact of the matter is people fit their stereotypes. What I have come to understand in recent years is that people are also always so much MORE than their stereotype. Stereotypes exist because people fit them, however. I am just being transparent because I don’t know how else to be. I am verging on infuriated because the agendas are so unjust, so ungodly, such a tool of satan. Lord, just please don’t let me be a tool worked for evil due to the infliction I have endured by people who obviously don’t know any better. Hurting people hurt. Like He said hanging on the cross, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” What grace!

I feel like I have the right and responsibility to share my insight because as an adolescent, anytime the church doors were unlocked, my family was there. There is the symphonic orchestra, the praise team raising their hands at appropriate moments of musical pitch (in the last 5-8 years, that is) and never forget the beloved pastor pleeing for the congregation to follow Jesus while waving his bible in the air.
Don’t get me wrong. I have zero problem with any of these things. I go to seminary for goodness sake. What I do have a problem with is that this call to love, this burden to reach the lost that the pastor bids the congregation to follow him in, isn’t matched with action. Please, preach the message. Play the notes properly, sing the songs with zeal. Just don’t turn someone away when they reach out for love because they mess up your image, or your plans, or your god-forsaken agenda. When they try to sit with you on your pew with your family in a spot that you have taken the liberty to assign as your seat because you’ve been there 20+ years. Your kids are watching, your grandkids are watching & they will replicate those actions in their Sunday-school classes, during school cafeteria lunches, in their everyday lives. The person that you just sent away to find another seat is cursing themselves for thinking maybe church had some hidden answers that they needed. They are wailing because they were in pain before, but you just stuck your nail in their open wound and scratched around in it.
That’s just a situation that reflects a bigger picture. A downright epidemic. The point is, authentically love those around you & random antidotes wont be illustrated in order to maybe create some type of inner conviction that seemed to be absent otherwise. (The reason I am writing this is because I believe I am wrong in this & that some do have conviction, they’ve just never been discipled by equipped and mature leadership. Love always hopes, love always trusts & I have love residing in me, so I am just gonna go ahead and give everyone the benefit of the doubt.) It’s completely antithetical to favor some people over others, its counter-productive to the bible’s message, everything Jesus stood for, and everything you claim as the foundational truths of your life. Treat the hobo, or the fat girl, or the high skater punk the same, even BETTER, than you would the pastor if he passed by and wanted to converse.
Children are a reflection of their parents, students are a product of their professors, & the actions of the sheep in a church are the outcome of the spoken AND unspoken rules, principles, and concepts of their pastors. Everything rises and falls off of leadership.
There is a culture of self-righteousness in the Southern Baptist church. A power tripping, egotistical, unwarranted desire for pats on the back and jealous hand shakes during meet-in-greet while the promise praises backdrop the cheery atmosphere. Until about 5-10 years ago, it was a distasteful disservice to your pew-neighbor if you raised your hands during worship because you might distract their personal worship. I’m sorry if someone is so on edge about a person nearby expressing themselves in a setting of worship, that they themselves cannot shed their judgmental attitudes and zone in for themselves to the worship. At that point, it is going to take a lot more than a person restraining their hands in their laps for the other member to be in a place of worship. It’s going to take the blood of Jesus and a sharp rebuke from the Holy Spirit to warm that cold heart.
We know there IS a problem. I haven’t met a person who wont at least agree with that statement. Why are broken people complaining about the Southern Baptist church and that it’s full of hateful hypocrites? Maybe, just maybe, there is truth in their critique. Great leaders don’t ignore accusations from their enemies. They search within their hearts and speculate whether an ounce of it is true. God’s final judgment is real, so regardless of whether your flock believes you to be a good person or not isn’t the concern, it’s whether you are truly in right standing with the spirit of the Lord. The word tells us that the righteous man has peace EVEN with his enemies. Life does not always fold out this ideally, but there is too great of a number of hurting people leaving the church for it who otherwise wouldnt. There is too many ‘rebellious’ people for it to be totally irrational burdens. This is an epidemic and it is due to the leadership and their followers following suit.
Please, hear me out. I know some amazing staff and leadership at the church I attended growing up. My job is never to say where someone’s heart is at, not one person. But as a whole, there IS a problem and it IS hindering our ability to reach people who are lost and desperately need Christ, so all I can do is turn to the leadership as a whole and ask, “What’s up?”
I’ve grown up a lot, & with the help of the Lord and many hours of in-depth thought and prayer and the occasional tear, I feel whole…er. Not to mention seeing other churches function quite well and facilitate me in my deepest needs has done wonders to restore me. They responded to one another in peace and harmony  and it has made a world of difference because it has given me hope for the redeemed church. I don’t hate these people anymore. I never would have verbalized hatred, but in my heart of hearts, I was so overwhelmed with the scars I’d never asked for as a child, that I did hate Southern Baptists. I will no longer be a victim, I won’t give them the power to hurt me, but someone needs to address this culture. Why not me?
I have grappled for months with writing this blog, even though only a couple hundred will probably ever read this. But I am feeling just crazy enough, and have consumed just enough caffeine to sit here and pour my heart out over this computer and hope I can help create a culture of healing and much needed rebuke and reassessment. I don’t want to intentionally offend or hurt anyone by writing this, but if that happens in the process, I am fully okay with that. If you live in New Orleans, maybe we can grab a cup of coffee and dialogue. Some are too caught up in their own world though, to recognize the hurt that they may or may not intentionally add to. Silence when observing worldly patterns infiltrating the church IS sin. When the church’s innocence is perverted, adult mature Christians need to stand up for it. I just know I need to do SOMETHING. I’ve observed too much, I’ve prayed too much, I understand too much of the unspoken culture of this predominantly white world to allow my voice to totally go unheard. If I can affect one person and help them find healing, that’s enough.
With that being said, I’ve explored many, many denominations. I’ve been to several youth groups, worship events and been apart, even joined different denominational affiliations in search for a well-ran church. I wanted it to be the leader’s desire, not just their job, to aid the hurting and to be burdened for the weak. Was there an unrelinquished fire to help those in need in anyone’s heart who held a large amount of authority in their church? Please tell me what else the church is for?
First and foremost, I have to exploit the fallacious nature of the most common argument I’ve heard from those who regularly attend a Southern Baptist church towards those opposing the Southern Baptist church.
Yeah the church is full of people, subsequently meaning it’s full of unspoken sin. I agree. But to right off someone’s approach against this powerful denomination by saying, “sweet heart, there is no perfect church,” is downright unethical. If someone can’t find healing and love from people who claim to be filled with the purpose and the power and the love of the holy spirit, where are they to find it? If they say it sucked, STOP telling them it didn’t suck. It probably did suck for them and girls probably were unjustly mean to them and they probably didn’t deserve any of it. So it sucked. Put your agenda on hold and stop invalidating their feelings. Before you tick your tongue at an unwed, young, pregnant girl, please examine yourself. Are you a leader? If you are or you are not, you may ask yourself, what went wrong with them? They grew up at this church and now they had premarital sex and are expecting. Did you ever invite them over to have dinner with your family, or ever stop to really see how they were doing when they passed you at church with a glum expression, or at the very least, ask them to sit next to you while the preacher spoke when they were sitting alone? If you never did these things, put down the finger, get on your knees, and repent. You are a huge part of the problem. And then call them up, you won’t catch the pregnancy, and ask them out to lunch, where you can promptly apologize because you weren’t part of the solution.
I have been to churches where there are no secrets, there is very little gossip, and confronting someone who has wronged you is done right. The only reason leadership wouldn’t approach situations this way is if they had an agenda and also maybe have something to cover up. That’s why I personally like my churches small. It makes the sneakiness obvious. I am old enough now to where older Southern Baptist women can’t pat me on the head and assure me ‘no church is perfect, darlin’. I’m not asking for perfect, I’m asking for healthy. I’m not asking to never have confrontation, or trial, I am asking for it to be recognized and dealt with. I am asking to feel loved. I am pleading for others to love so that those who don’t have a close enough relationship with Jesus like me are not turned off by the church as a whole all together. I know too many people who refuse to attend any service of any denomination because of what Southern Baptists have done. Power seeking, agenda ridden, suit-and-tie-only kind of people who belittle others for being broken when the skeletons reside in their closets, screaming. Everyone is a mess, everyone needs a savior, everyone needs to be transparent about the current state of their hearts in order for anyone to ever get anywhere. Not to mention, Jesus commands it, anointing the church with blessings because of it.

1 Peter 4:11

New International Version (NIV)

11 If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Is my Fiance the ONE? In a word: No.

I have debated on writing this for fear of speculation. What if Semyung isn’t the one? What if people think I think he is not the one but feel pressured? Something like this usually goes through my head when I hear people ask me this question: “Is he the RIGHT guy, though?”
I’m sorry, but what? there are billions of people in this world, mine happens to be from Korea. I am always thrown off by this question because I don’t know how to respond. I bet you the people think I have doubts about being with Semyung when I fall over myself after just bragging on how wonderful he was & how pleased I am to marry him.
This whole ordeal of there being ONE person for you is silly. Yes, God has plan. Depending on your decisions, God will allow a mate-worthy person to come into your life and spice it up in the best of ways, not to mention make you holy. Occasionally he will tell you specifically HEY MARRY THIS PERSON IT IS MY WILL, just like occasionally God will give someone a job route or a college route that is VERY specific. God never came to me in a dream or vision to confirm it with soul shaking words. And he IS my first (and soon to be last) boyfriend. So…what do I really know?
What if I find someone who listens to me better than Semyung?
What if I find someone more willing to do the dishes than Semyung or rub my back every night even when I insist on rubbing his?
It makes me sick to think about because I LOVE Semyung, but I feel like THESE are the types of questions that come from questions like THAT question.
I always have to sit and ponder. I don’t know, IS he the RIGHT person? I work through it slowly. I know love always trusts, & I know I am ridiculously happy when I am with him. I know we worship together in spirit in truth, which at least means God isn’t OPPOSED to the idea.
I always find myself landing in the same conclusion. it’s refreshing when I work through the fawg and confusion that THOSE types of questions create because it reminds me I am working towards something bigger than myself. I serve a God with a bigger purpose than I could ever fathom.
What I always conclude is, well, am I the RIGHT person? The question “Is he the right guy?” Is ALL about, how “well does he serve & meet my needs.” Semyung does meet my needs often and he does love me unconditionally and he is always there for me. However, I find myself still thirsting for more. Not going to lie, there are moments I am disappointed because Semyung fails to meet the fairy tale character of my dreams that knows what I need before I say it, and does it in a charming/sexy way. Don’t get me wrong, he is always sexy to me, but that might also be because youth is still on our side &I am raging with hormones. I find myself aghast and in awe at my own pride. MY needs? What about HIS needs? I am on this earth to serve, not to BE served. If that was what Jesus came here for, what on earth is MY purpose. Jesus is infinitely greater than I. I am a flower quickly fading. ( Yes, I know I love Casting Crowns lyrics!) I have found someone who appreciates and loves me for that, so when people ask me if he is the right guy, I now just respond, “yes” with a gracious smile because I don’t think they get it. Or I am totally reading way too much into their intentions in which case, my bad, but the point I made years before I met Semyung STILL stands: I need to stop searching for Mr.right & be Mrs.Right.
Don’t get me wrong, Semyung Oppa is Mr.Right. He is everything I prayed for in a man and more. But he screws up. He makes me feel sad time to time and sometimes my thoughtful gestures go unnoticed. How often does he feel that way about me, though?
I am sure it has been AT LEAST a couple.
But he is one of the most amazing, dedicated, well rounded people I have ever met.
And he looks at me as beautiful when I am sweaty with no make up on.
And he grabs my hands to pray, and he never talks down about me to other people.
He apologizes and yields to the spirit when he screws up and I know he is gonna be ONE HECK of a Father, which also happens to be infinitely sexy to me. He brings me a level of security and warmth that I can’t explain and I pray for him and thank God for him everyday.
But he’s a man. A flawed, culturally influenced, impressionable man.
To me, the question, “Is he the RIGHT one” after I have JUST gone through the myriad of reasons I love him, is just so prideful. WHO is this right one you speak of? I think his name is Jesus. He will forever and always be more and mean more and love more than Semyung or I ever could fathom. He is also the glue of relationship.
But really, there are billions of men out there and you are telling me that there aren’t a couple cuties that fit the bill? Come on. I am gonna love Jesus, love my husband (now fiancee), and never ponder this question ever again.

But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”
James 4:6

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.
Proverbs 18:22

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer– may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.
Proverbs 5:18-19

Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find? The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him.
Proverbs 20:6-7

“There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a maiden.
Proverbs 30:18-19